![]() Like many others, I don’t exactly like the hospital, and the thought of going there when I think I’m thinking clearly and everyone else is just wrong is frustrating, to say the least. And, honestly, losing touch with reality and being on the brink of hospitalization for extreme thoughts isn’t the best experience in the world. Because, yeah, I get to experience mania, but my depression is also darker than many people could imagine when mania turns into rock bottom. ![]() Student appears to be emotionally distraught and does. Most of us forget or ignore them but some of us cant help but feel ashamed by them. suicidal/homicidal thinking that are not indicative of imminent danger (I cant do this anymore). Theyre weird, graphic, strange, disturbing, ugly, taboo, and embarrassing. But being unable to get out of bed, having suicidal thoughts and hitting rock bottom after? That part wasn’t so great.Īnd when I hear people who aren’t diagnosed with bipolar disorder say, “Well, at least you get to experience mania,” I have a hard time understanding the thought process. Unwanted thoughts creep over us out of nowhere. I was suddenly a horrible person due to having such extreme thoughts and wanted nothing more than to just disappear from reality. And, if I’m being really honest, I didn’t want to cope with the depression. Instead of homicidal ideation, I had suicidal ideation. Which, in turn, brought me crashing down. Homicidal ideation, intent, attempts, and plans can be even more difficult to assess. At the end of the day, if it comes down to going to the hospital or taking extra anxiety medication to calm my thoughts, I’d rather take extra anxiety medication any day. Long story short, my usual dose didn’t work and I needed extra - which is also something my doctor approves, as long as I’m not taking an excessive amount and let her know when it happens. So, my spouse got me an anxiety medication to help me calm down - something my doctor recommends I take for manic rage as well. The thoughts were graphic, the urges were persistent and this was all I could think about. It is often observed in association with depression and other mood. Suicidal behavior can be specified as a spectrum that ranges from fleeting suicidal thoughts to completed suicide. Suicidal ideation, also known as having suicidal thoughts means planning, thinking about suicide. For one ignorant Facebook post, I wanted this person dead. Homicidal ideation can be differentiated from suicidal ideation. It got to the point where I lost touch with reality and became fixated in homicidal ideation. In a manic state, I saw this as fundamentally wrong and something had to be done. ![]() The post was transphobic and when my spouse tried to defend the community, multiple people came to attack him. All that happened was a someone close to me made a Facebook post that was invalidating to the LGBT community - a community my spouse and I are a part of and active in. And this is true for bipolar disorder too.Įventually, this manic episode that felt oh-so-pleasant turned into an all-consuming rage. But as the law of physics teaches us, what goes up must come down. ![]()
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